


Camp Cedarledge

by Cat (ActualBuckyBarnes)



Series: Camp Cedarledge Universe [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Agender Character, Angst, Bittersweet, Critical Reveiws, Does This Need More Tags, Everyone Grab A Seat And Jump On The Sobbing Bandwagon, Floof, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Happy Ending, Homophobia, If You Don't Read This I'll Bop You On The Nose, Jesus This Is Depressing, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Seriously Though I Need Validation From Strangers On The Internet, So Please Read This, Some Guy From The New York Times Thinks It's The Bomb, Summer Camp, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-07-29 15:30:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualBuckyBarnes/pseuds/Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, so maybe coming out to his parents wasn't the <i>brightest</i> of decisions. In hindsight, it certainly wasn't worth it to say, "Hey, I like guys and chicks" for this. Seriously.</p><p>So now, unfortunately, Dan was on his way to the number 1 acclaimed conversion camp, located in Nowhere, Missouri, USA. <i>Camp Cedarledge</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Camp Cedarledge

**Author's Note:**

> Hai frens! So, this will be one of my patented Dark, Dark Stories™, so trigger warning for depression, homophobia, transphobia, aphobia (bigotry in general), (mentions of) gender dysphoria, self-harm (yikes, I know), anxiety, and pretty much every kind of ickiness except character death! LET'S DO THIS.
> 
> update: I've gone back and edited a lot of this, hope you guys like it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S ME AGAIN GUESS WHAT I PUT THIS ON WATTPAD IF U PREFER TO WATTPAD HERE U GO: https://www.wattpad.com/307524171-camp-cedarledge

Adrian would be left with Grammy and Pop. That's where he'd been since Dan came out, that's where he'd stay until Dan's parents got back from the flight and left Dan in the hellhole that was Camp Cedarledge. The name enough was enough to give Dan an anxiety attack. He took a few deep breaths and decided to make a friendship bracelet to sooth his shaking fingers. The bracelet was in the bi pride colors, and it was attached to the strap of his backpack.

.o0o.

Dan stepped off the airplane and onto a bus. His parents went with him, for some ungodly reason. Dan wanted to run away- and that was saying something, considering he hated exercise.

"Don't make that face, Daniel." His mother smiled cheerily at him, "This place is going to _fix_ you! Be excited!"

"Okay," Dan plastered an obviously fake smile onto his face and genuinely tried to be happy, but only came up with _I'm going to be electrocuted and prodded and covered in cold water and made a fool of and they'll strip me of my identity and I'll be all alone even though I'll be surrounded by peers..._ the list goes on and on. For ten weeks, he'd be tortured. He knew what went on here, he had heard the stories. About deaths and pain and... it was unpleasant. Dan didn't want to think about it at all, so he closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat and tried to forget everything.

Who would he meet there? Certainly kids just like him, who were going to be completely different and shut off and...

_Nope, don't think about the camp._ Dan ignored his anxiety and focused on making his parents happy. That's why he was going here, correct? To make his parents happy. That's what he wanted.

And even that was a half-lie. He wanted desperately to make his parents happy. So badly did he want to please them, for them to praise him like they did before... before he came out.

Why did that change anything? He wasn't even sure of his sexuality, he'd just said that he liked Evan Peters (which had, in turn, started a raging discussion about God and boys and then 'fixing' and 'camp').

.o0o.

The bus trip didn't take too long, and suddenly Dan's eyes were jolted awake by the screech of the brakes.

The campsite was, itself, serene as fuck. Dan was actually calmer surrounded by nature. Suddenly, his thoughts were starting to clear up. He'd be away from his parents for ten weeks, so he got a chance to be a completely different person, right? It didn't matter that he'd be surrounded by negativity, here, in this moment, nature didn't judge him. He wanted to be engulfed by the leaves of the trees. The sunlight dappled down onto the ground and Dan couldn't help but become hypnotized by the patterns swaying in the light breeze.

"Daniel! Pay attention!" His father snapped, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. Dan flinched and turned to face two men, one with sandy blond hair and one with brown hair.

"Mark and Jack." The one with brown hair said, shaking hands with Dan's mother and father.

"Gorgeous out here, isn't it?" Jack asked cordially. Dan nodded his head vigorously.

"Don't be a stranger, what's your name?" Mark asked, voice surprisingly soft when directed at Dan. It almost made him forget that he was here to be 'corrected'.

"Daniel. Um, Daniel James Howell." Dan stumbled over his own name in his haste to answer.

"Alright." Jack said from the table, marking Dan's name off.

"Don't be afraid to use extra force with this one, he's a bit feisty." Dan's father smirked a bit, making Dan frown.

"Of course." Mark suddenly looked more stern and Dan could feel his heart speeding up. And not in the way that means you're aroused.

"When I say something, you say 'yessir!' or 'no sir!', got it?"

"Yes sir!" Dan replied, flinching in the slightest bit when Mark yelled. Mark's eyes softened for just a fraction of a second before he turned to Dan's parents. In fact, it was so short that Dan thought it might have just been him projecting. Or something.

"Don't worry, he'll be corrected in no time." Mark's grin was a bit devilish, "You can leave any time you like, the tram should be getting back in thirty minutes."

"What should I do in the meantime?" Dan asked. Mark immediately turned to Dan and shouted, "Do not speak unless spoken to, y'hear?"

"Yes- yes sir!" Dan squeaked back. Again, Mark's eyes softened for a millisecond- again, too short to tell if he was really sympathetic- and he turned back to his parents.

"If you would unpack Daniel's things while I get him checked in, that would be fantastic." Mark said. _There was more checking in to be done?_

"Come here." Mark said gruffly, "Take off your shoes and I'll check you for lice and foot fungus." Dan grimaced a bit, _who the hell would want to look for foot fungus?_ That was something he wouldn't even wish upon someone like Mark.

"Don't worry, they'll be gone soon." Mark said soothingly in Dan's ear, parting his hair to check for the offending insects. Mark then took a quick glance at Dan's feet and said, "Yep, you're good. No parasites today! Go unpack your stuff!"

"Yes, sir!" Dan said, still completely anxious. If anything, Mark's 'reassurance' had only made Dan more fearful, and Dan nearly scrambled to put his sandals back on and sprint to his cabin.

His room had a cross on the wall and a dresser. It had one outlet (good thing Dan snuck his phone and a charger in his jacket) and a bed, but was otherwise blank.

"Be good for Mark and Jack, okay?" Dan's mom kissed the top of his head in what Dan couldn't quite perceive as a loving gesture any more. Dan nodded, feeling tears form in his eyes. He couldn't quite believe- he was actually in a conversion camp- how? Why? Who? It was just now striking Dan that there was a chance he wouldn't leave here alive.

"Good." Dan's father said curtly. Neither of them acknowledged Dan's feelings, and they turned and left.

Just. Left.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back, apparently, as Dan nearly collapsed. He started to sob helplessly, face pressed into his hands. He sat down on the hard tile floor, face buried in his arms and knees tucked into his chest. There was a surprising knock at the door, though, and Dan looked up to see a blurry figure.

"Hey, my name's Troye. Who're you?" A slim and tall figure sat next to Dan, who was still shaking.

"Dan." Dan said, not really in the mood for talking and a bit embarrassed by the fact that he was crying in front of a total stranger.

"Hey, it's okay." Dan noticed that Troye had an Australian accent, "I'm terrified too."

Troye gently took Dan's arms away from his knees and shifted so that he was hugging the other. Dan noticed that his arms were nearly skeletal.

"Have you been eating enough?" Dan asked softly, in a way that might have been a genuine question and might have been a shocked gasp.

"No." Troye sighed, "But you don't look much better. Sobbing on the floor of your room."

"Thanks for helping my self-esteem." Dan rolled his eyes, "Not like my parents keeping me from interacting with my little brother had a positive effect on me."

"Jesus, is this a correction camp or a mental ward?" Troye made a rather weak attempt at joking and continued to comfort Dan.

"Is there really a difference?" Dan laughed. The two sat like that for a while, talking about everything and nothing and trying to distract themselves from their current predicament.

"D'you think it's safe to go back outside?" Troye wondered after about thirty minutes.

"I don't think it'll ever be safe to go outside." Dan sighed in reply.

"Let me rephrase: do you think it's no more dangerous than it would otherwise be to go outside?" Troye said, chuckling sadly.

"Actually, yeah." Dan said, standing up. He offered his hand to Troye, who bounced to his feet. On the way out they passed four other rooms in the cabin.

"That one's mine." Troye said, somewhat proudly and pointing to another dreary and blank room. Dan smiled a bit at that and decided he might as well start to like his room- after all, it was his for ten weeks. The two left the cabin and were surprised to see that there was only one other person there, besides Mark and Jack.

"I'm Evan Edinger. I'm ace, which apparently pissed off my auntie."

"Dan. I don't like labels but I have felt attracted to guys and girls before." Dan said.

"Troye," Troye introduced himself, "I'm gay and my parents did not approve."

"Now, none of you are really attracted to the same sex. It's just a sick delusion." Mark said roughly. Jack was oddly silent through this whole thing, even though Dan suspected he was usually not that quiet.

"You sure? Pretty sure the guy I was making out with three weeks ago was attractive." Troye said, "Like, damn, he could get the business."

At the same time, Evan rebuked that with a hearty, "No shit, Sherlock."

"You will not speak unless spoken to, understand?" Mark snapped. Troye immediately went silent, the smile falling from his face. Dan inched closer to him, in a vain attempt to comfort.

"Yes, sir." Troye said blankly, as if he'd been asked that a thousand times. Mark's face fell for a fraction before returning to its normal state, leaving Dan questioning so much.

.o0o.

It only took around an hour for everyone else to arrive. First came Tyler Oakley, bounding into the pavilion followed by his father, who did not look happy. Tyler hyper-actively ran around and introduced himself to everyone. Another kid followed, this one wearing a beanie and lovely green eyes.

"I'm Connor." He said.

"You are going to behave, you understand?" Tyler's father nearly snarled, catching Tyler by the elbow when he raced back in his father's direction. The other kid nodded slightly, dragging a single suitcase behind him.

"Of course. Yeah. Let's go put my stuff away!" Tyler said, dragging his two suitcases along to one of the cabins.

"Wait!" Jack called, voice booming. Tyler flinched before his smile returned with full force, sprinting back to the kitchen shelter and leaving his father to put up his stuff. Connor sat in front of Jack, who actually seemed to be quite gentle with him. Dan found that odd, actually. When Mark checked his hair for lice, it was oddly soothing and calm.

"We have to check you for lice and foot fungus." Mark said. Tyler took off his shoes for Mark to check his feet and Mark ran his fingers through Tyler's hair a couple of times before sending him off.

"He's gonna be a handful." Mark sighed. Dan almost pitied Tyler, the poor kid would have to go through so much. Tyler zoomed back in ten minutes and sat himself down at the empty picnic table.

"Goodbye, Michael and Connor!" His father said roughly, not even hugging them and stepping onto the tram.

"Is he the father of both of you, or-" Dan asked.

"No. Just the chaperone for me because my mom couldn't seem to find the energy to drag me all the way here." Connor rolled his eyes and plopped down next to Tyler.

.o0o.

The next to arrive was a brown-haired girl with her mother.

"Now, Christa-"

"Chris." The kid snapped impatiently.

"Your name is Christa and you know it." Their mother snarled. This was followed by the sound of skin hitting skin.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Chris yelled. Mark was quickly at the scene.

"We'll make sure to use a lot of brute force with this one. Trannies often take more force than the rest of 'em anyway." Did Mark look hurt by his own words? Dan thought he was seeing things, but the shocked look on Troye's face proved otherwise.

"Thank you. I just want my daughter back." The woman smiled. Chris looked like they were about to cry.

"Okay, you can put her stuff away and I'll check her for lice and foot fungus." Mark gave his usual spiel and the woman walked away with the pink, floral suitcases.

"Are you okay?" Mark asked, voice dropping down to the softest voice Dan assumed he could muster. It was shocking, really, the difference between Mark a few seconds ago, and Mark now.

"Y-yeah." Chris still looked a little bit shocked by, well, everything, and Dan couldn't help but to agree. Why would they ask if they were okay if they were just going to hurt them later?

"Okay," Mark said, looking through Chris's hair and checking their feet before letting them go.

Just as soon as Chris left, there was a small scuffle.

"You shouldn't have to do this." Then, "He shouldn't have to do this."

"If he wants to be right in the lord's eyes, he has to do this."

"I don't want to be here."

It was an argument between three people, and as they rounded the corner Dan could see them. One had jet-black, definitely-artificial-hair-color-hair, and another had strawberry hair that he shared with a woman Dan assumed to be their mother.

"I want you to fix him." The mother said. Mark nodded.

"That's what we're here to do." Mark's grin was starting to look really fake.

"Thank you. Phil, sit down here so the nice man can check you for lice and fungus!" Phil's mother said. Phil grumbled and sat at the picnic bench.

"I don't need to be fixed! I'm not a dog, mum!" Phil yelled at the retreating form of his mother. His brother, however, had stayed behind.

"This is the only chance I'm gonna have to be alone with you. Hug." Phil's older brother demanded. Phil pressed himself to his brother's form.

"Come home safe, okay?" His brother said. Phil sniffled a little and nodded an 'okay' in return.

"I have to check you, c'mere." Mark said, almost too gently. Phil broke the hug and let Mark check him over, almost numbly.

"Goodbye mum! Goodbye, Martyn!" Phil yelled when his mother walked past, apparently her son didn't deserve a goodbye.

"Bye Phi-"

"The boy doesn't need a goodbye, not until he's been fixed." Phil's mother scorned, dragging Martyn away from the scene.

"He's pretty cute." Troye whispered to Dan, who lightly smacked his arm in response.

"You boys want ta share with the class?" Jack asked.

"Uh- we were talking about how Phil should really have worn contacts instead of glasses, the glasses make his eyes look big." _Goddammit Dan, insult the thing you like most about him, why don't you?_

"Really?" Phil asked.

"Yeah," Dan shook his head after checking that Jack and Mark weren't looking. Phil looked confused.

.o0o.

The last person to arrive was accompanied by a little old woman.

"Patrick, why don't you sign in with the nice man over there?" The old woman said, grinning.

"Yes, nana." The boy, Patrick, was a bit shy, and walked over to Mark.

"Hello. I'm PJ Ligouri." Patrick, who apparently preferred PJ, said, sticking his hand out for Mark to shake.

"We need to check you for lice and foot fungus. Sit down." Mark said expressionlessly, not moving to shake hands with PJ. PJ shrugged and sat down on the bench, Mark checking him quickly for lice and the foot fungus that I've written into the story way too many times. Mark then nodded and PJ and his grandma went to his room.

"Be good, Patrick." His grandmother said before stepping onto the tram to take her back to the parking lot. PJ nodded just before the bus started to move at it's snail-like pace. PJ then, completely stone-faced, sat next to Chris.

"That was the last one, right?" Mark asked. Jack nodded.

"Fantastic." Mark smiled genuinely again, lighting up the room. Dan was suddenly as terrified as he'd been in his room. He shifted closer to Troye again and Troye curled up against Dan's side as Dan did the same to him.

"I'm sure you've all heard horrible things about this camp," Mark said, smile turning sad for a moment, "I'm sure you've heard horror stories about places that are supposed to be just like this. Well, let me be the first to tell you, this camp isn't what it seems. This place is a safe haven for you. You are welcome here."

.o0o.

Dan couldn't believe it. He- he was safe? Troye seemed to be relaxing next to him and Dan slowly took his arms away from Troye's sides.

"Really?" Tyler spoke up.

"Really." Mark replied. Everyone else, it seemed, was too shocked to speak. Chris almost started to cry happily. Tyler was just grinning, but it seemed like an actual grin.

Suddenly, Tyler started to cheer. Connor joined in in an instant. Then Phil and Chris and PJ and Dan and Troye and everyone was cheering.

"Calm down." Mark smiled, "This camp isn't to take away your identity, it's here to help you learn more about it. Chris, you'll learn how to bind your chest and other stuff like that. Your pronouns are he/him, correct? And PJ, what're you're pronouns?"

"Yeah." Chris replied as PJ said, "They/Them."

"You'll also learn tricks for dealing with depression and anxiety, among other things, as well as some basic self-defense, because sadly, you might still need it. And you'll also receive comprehensive Sex Ed., thank the actual Gods I'm not the one in charge of that this year." Mark stopped smiling, "If the situation at your house is bad enough, there's even some foster parents out and about from most major countries." Phil suddenly looked a lot happier, and Dan was starting to get worried for him.

"And by the way, Dan and Troye, we know you were checking Phil out earlier." Jack commented offhandedly, making all three blush in embarrassment.

"Anyway, let's get started on today! So, quickly we're going to tell you how each day's going to go." Mark glared at Jack, obviously trying not to laugh at his smug face, "So we're going to wake up at around seven thirty or eight every day-"

"Except for Saturdays because those are the days where we have to work at the barn-"

" _Thank you_ for your input Jack, but I've got it-"

"You're welcome-"

"THEN we go to breakfast and on the days where we've got early morning barn we basically pack dry cereal to eat at the barn. Then, after that, there's free time to do pretty much whatever you want-"

"Then we go to lunch-"

"And after lunch you guys go to lessons-"

"And then dinner-"

"Jack! Quit interrupting!"

"No. After dinner we go bonding time as a unit or whatever-"

"And then time to cool down and night snack from eight to ten-"

"Lights out at eleven."

When the two were talking, everyone's eyes darted back and forth as they switched between interacting seamlessly and being progressively more and more pissed off at each other. At the end of their little speech, Mark was glaring at Jack, who was grinning. (Dan couldn't help but notice that even the man's _grin_ seemed Irish. Was that stereotypical? Did Dan even care at this point?)

"Aw, c'mon sweetie," Jack said, still joking, and making Mark glare more and frown slightly.

"I'm sorry." Jack apologized, smile turning sheepish. Jack stood up to kiss Mark, who in turn, began to grin. Everyone was just as shell-shocked as they were when they said the camp wasn't going to try and convert them.

"Are you two a couple?" Evan asked.

"Yep. Mark's my waifu." Jack grinned, sitting back down on the ledge that stuck out of the rail on the kitchen shelter.

"So what are we doing today?" Phil was the one who asked the question this time.

"Icebreakers, mostly. Dinner's at five, then we're going to opening campfire." Mark said, checking his watch, "The opening campfire is the shit, I love going."

"So, should we start?" Jack asked. Mark nodded and grinned.

"Okay, everyone sit in a circle." Jack instructed, moving the group to a clearing. Everyone sat in the grass, which was oddly soft, and Mark spoke up, "Okay, we're going to be playing two truths and a lie. I am going to assume everyone knows how to play?" Everyone nodded, and Mark continued, "Alright. Let's start with me!"

"One, I once dyed my hair blue. Two, Jack's nickname for me is Markiplier or Markimoo, and three, I have a dog named Molly." The answers were varied, but most people chose two. Dan was the only one who chose three (he usually chose three on principal).

"The great reveal!" Jack exclaimed.

"Three. Three was the lie." Mark laughed a little, "My dog's name is Chica." Everyone huffed a sigh of disappointment and Dan whooped.

"Alright, Troye's turn!" Jack said, dramatically pointing to the boy.

.o0o.

They had a lovely time getting to know each other and played a really fun game of Mafia, with Mark acting as God.

"Dinner!" Jack really seemed to like communicating in shouts, didn't he? The group walked to the mess hall, which didn't hold that many people. They all got in line and grabbed their food- it was lasagna night- and sat down at one table.

"Wanna start a song?" Mark asked. Of course, nobody except Jack knew what he meant, but Jack seemed pretty excited about it, so most of them were on board.

"YOUR MAMA DON'T WEAR NO SOCKS!" Jack yelled. Apparently he did have a setting above 'default yelling'. Every adult, CIT, and Wrangler yelled "A DIDDY-DUM" back, which, in turn, caught on with everyone else.

"I WAS THERE WHEN SHE TOOK 'EM OFF"

"A DIDDY-DUM"

"SHE THREW THEM INTO SPACE"

"A DIDDY-DUM"

"THERE GOES THE ALIEN RACE"

Then the chorus of "A DIDDY-DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM, A DIDDY-DUM, DUM, DUMDUM, DUM DUM, A DIDDY-DUM" was only sang by the adults. This continued for a while until someone (thank god) put a stop to it. All the new kids were laughing so hard the couldn't breathe, which was something they probably needed. Someone else started to sing another song and everyone who knew it joined in. Pretty soon, everyone was laughing and singing and the desert was going to be out soon and everyone was happy. It was almost bittersweet.

.o0o.

After dinner, there was Official Bonding Time™ between all of the units.

"Okay, we're going to play the word-story-game-thing." Mark said awkwardly. Jack grinned from across the pavilion.

"So, I'm going to say a word and someone's going to tell a personal story based off of that word. Since I know some of you... don't have the best home lives, you don't have to tell a story if you don't want to, but it is a nice ice-breaker." Jack said, "The word is hit-man." Chris, PJ, Phil, and Evan immediately raised their hands.

"Phil," Mark said, pointing to the boy.

"Well, in my school, there's a class for the advanced kids called Odyssey, and it goes all the way down to Year 2." Phil said, grinning, "Well, me and my group of Year 2's decided to invent a game. We called it Hit-Man and let me tell you, it was intense. Once my friend Emerson bit my friend Ty on the stomach. Basically, it was like soccer. Except you could use your hands. And you could tackle the person with the ball. Honestly, I'm surprised it took a year and a half to shut down." Phil sniggered, "And the word is 'jumper'."

This time, Dan raised his hand. And, of course, Phil picked on him. Dan told a story about how his mum had bought him a jumper that he was supposed to 'grow into', and it was about five sizes too big. Dan said that he could go swimming in it, but it was comfy so he wore it to bed most of the time. Then Evan told a lovely story about his cat Peter, and PJ told a story about the time he went parasailing and accidentally ran into an old woman, and Tyler told about the first time he made out with a guy, and eventually everyone had told a story except for Chris.

"I'm not quite comfortable talking about my friend group. None of them know that I'm- I'm-" Chris wiped furiously at his eyes, cheeks heating up. 

"Hey, it's okay," Mark said soothingly, crouching in front of him, "That's why we're here, to make you feel comfortable in your skin."

Chris nodded slowly and stopped crying, "Thanks. None of them know I'm transgender, and honestly I'm not sure how many of them would accept me- it's not a topic we've broached before."

"That's okay. And hey, if they don't accept you, then they're not really your friends, are they?" Mark said. Chris nodded and Mark grinned, sitting again next to Jack. PJ sat a little closer to Chris than before, and Chris leaned his head on PJ's shoulders, appreciating the support.

"Alrighty. Tomorrow's the official 'first day', and the lessons that they have planned out for you tomorrow are; 'How to Deal with Depression and Anxiety.' rather depressing in it of itself, but it winds up benefitting everyone." Jack said, "But for now, we're going to the opening campfire!" Everyone stood in pairs and counted off so that they could walk to the campfire.

.o0o.

Once they got there, they discovered that they were the only males there. There weren't as many girls, so they paired them with most of the non-gender binary kids- PJ must've gotten lucky. Somehow, Dan and Phil managed to sit together- although, Dan wasn't complaining. 

"Alright, we're gonna teach you guys a song!" The person in charge of camp- Felix?- said, rubbing his hands together, "We've decided, the Missouri Milk song." 

One song later and Dan and Phil were infinitely closer than before (don't ask me how, it's the magic of camp), and were in a giggling fit, tangled together (it was the song, I tell you!). 

"And now, the CITs," Felix said, bowing out for the collection of girls, guys, and non-binary folk to sing a song. The Wranglers and the Wrangler Apprentices did one too, as did the Mail Staff and the Office Staff. Then they passed out stuff for s'mores, the night-time snack for that day. Dan met up with Troye and they smiled widely at each other through their s'mores, because who the fuck can be upset while eating s'mores?

"Damn, this is good," Mark said, eyes widening almost comically at the treat. Jack smiled and pecked Mark's lips, reveling in the warm light from the campfire, which lit Mark's eyes up like Jack-O-Lanterns.

"This s'more has treated me better than my parents." Phil laughed. Everyone nearby grinned, because joking about something made it more bearable. Apparently.

"Same," Dan replied, taking another bite. Since s'mores aren't that big, everyone was done within a few seconds, and their unit leaders led them back to their cabins.

"Alright. Bed-time! Everyone get into their pajamas, take a shower, that sort of thing!" Mark said to the four that were in his cabin; Dan, Troye, Chris, and PJ. Jack (whose real name was Sean, who knew?) had Evan, Phil, Tyler, and Connor in his cabin.

"Night!" Dan said, hugging Troye tightly. The other returned the hug and it felt really nice, if they were both being totally honest. And so, as the first sunset settled on Camp Cedarledge, all of its inhabitants were content.

.o0o.

The weeks went by so fast. The first time they went to the barn was incredible, spending all day with the horses and eating in the hayloft and even mucking stalls- although, it was quite the sight, seeing a bunch of emo-looking kids next to actual ranchers with flannel and bluejeans or t-shirts from previous years at camp. They even got to see the sunrise as they walked through the forest to the barn and arena. Then they spent some time learning how to ride horses, of whom Phil was terrified.

"I just don't trust them!" Phil defended himself as the rest of the group laughed at him. In their defense, Phil was laughing too.

Suddenly, it was weeks later. They were swimming in the lake, which was somehow chilly in the middle of July. They knew depths of each other that people probably weren't supposed to. Dan knew that Evan liked to make puns, that Phil used to think that girls had two dicks, that Troye was afraid of bugs (well, in excess, anyway), that Connor had self-harmed before coming to the camp. That Tyler had anxiety attacks and couldn't- wouldn't- eat sometimes. That Chris had cut his own hair short and that he'd gotten hit for it. That PJ had been sexually assaulted before. Phil's home life was worse than Chris's- his family hadn't needed a reason to abuse him. They knew that Dan had anxiety and depression. Everyone knew that most of them had at least considered suicide. Mark and Jack contributed to these discussions- they'd been through their fair share. They told about being in a long-distance relationship, and how Mark's parents had been so homophobic that when they found out they'd kicked Mark out. Jack had flown for seven hours to pick up a starving, desperate, freezing Mark at an airport in Michigan (a hundred miles from his home). About how Mark had collapsed into Jack's arms and eaten like he'd never had food before once they got back to Jack's place- they'd been so close to never seeing each other again that they hadn't let go of one another's hands until they'd managed to get back to Jack's house. About how Jack's parents had been so reassuring and supportive and how Jack had felt so lucky.

Everyone knew that everyone else was broken. That this camp was truly meant to fix them- just not in the false way their parents had intended.

The water in the lake was almost frigid. It was by a cliff of rocks, and they took turns jumping in. At some point, Tyler and Troye found a cove secluded enough to start making out- and honestly, nobody wanted to stop them. In defense of their own laziness, Mark and Jack simply stated, "You lot have this summer to truly discover who you are. Also me and Mark and cuddling and sunbathing, leave us the fuck alone." To which everyone shrugged and got back to the impromptu game of Chicken, Dan and Phil against PJ and Chris. Connor was cheering for PJ and Chris, where Evan was cheering for Dan and Phil. In the end, Chris and PJ won, although everyone was laughing too hard to care.

.o0o.

They cried together and laughed together and sang together, like an actual family. Chris and Connor left for Sunday chapel every week, as it was offered every week.

One day, Dan kissed Phil- well, it might've been the other way around, but Dan wasn't about to admit that. It was in the middle of the day, during free time. They'd both decided to go back to the campsite, and Dan was coloring in a coloring book, and Phil was reading Harry Potter; Cursed Child.

"Y'know, I thought you and Troye had gotten together." Phil mentioned offhandedly. 

"Nah, he'd had eyes for Tyler the whole fuckin' time." Dan said back.

"Actually, I kinda think you're- uh- cute, especially since you're still available- um." Phil said, blushing like mad.

"Um- you're- you're cute too." Dan wasn't sure Phil thought he was going to say it- it kinda sounded like it had just slipped out.

"Wanna kiss?" Phil asked, cheeks getting pinker and pinker. _Did this kid even have a filter?_

"Yeah- sure- that sounds nice." Dan was caught offhanded, both by the statements and the sudden lips on his own.

"God, this feels nice," Phil said softly, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."

"Well, it was about time," Dan replied, "I bet I've wanted this longer than you have."

"I'm not about to argue with you." Phil rolled his eyes, "How about, instead, we take this back to my room?"

" _Yes_ ," Dan said back enthusiastically, and they walked back to Phil's room for the rest of the time.

"Wait!" Dan exclaimed, halfway to the cabin, "Forgot my coloring book."

"Oh, I forgot my Harry Potter book too. Could you get it for me while you're out there?" Phil said, chuckling a bit.

"Yeah. I guess we were both a bit distracted." Dan laughed. The two grinned at each other and walked into the cabin and into Phil's room, shutting the door behind them.

.o0o.

After that, the dynamic between them changed dramatically. In the cliché plot-twist, they were the couple-y-est couple ever, even more so than Troye and Tyler, who were constantly making doe-eyes at one another. Chris and PJ were still stuck in the weird limbo between 'friends' and 'date-mates', and Connor and Evan exchanged a lot of high-fives (and they ran the pot for which of them would be couples- which Jack and Mark will never admit to joining). Dan was actually starting to form a friendship with Elvis the horse, the horse he rode on for arena lessons. Phil was only slightly less terrified of horses after someone made him stick his finger in one of the horse's nostrils. Somehow, he was actually pretty good at riding horses, though. (Phil's horse's name was June-Bug, and she was definitely the prettiest horse- after Elvis, I mean) 

Dan learned that sitting in the middle of nature can be quite calming, and, oddly enough, it seemed to listen when you spoke. Dan's house was right on the edge of a forest, so perhaps he'd be able to go back.

.o0o.

It was week seven when the tension broke between Chris and PJ. The two kissed at the barn at sunrise, and it took all Tyler had not to squeal so loud he woke the horses. Connor and Evan fist-bumped and accepted their twenty dollars from Mark and Jack. Chris made a bad joke and PJ laughed so hard they had to bury their face in Chris's neck to avoid startling the horses.

.o0o.

Everyone could see each other healing over the weeks. Tyler ate food more- ate food at all- and became more self-confident. Troye actually got enough food for once. Connor never once self-harmed during the ten weeks, Dan didn't have any anxiety attacks either. PJ became more confident and outgoing, and Chris made more jokes to liven the other up. Phil was less quiet and he and PJ became close friends and shared ideas- about which I could write a whole essay. They had fun and laughed and Evan made really, really bad puns. Mark and Jack had become particularly attuned to looking into these differences and those differences were the reason they both kept coming back.

.o0o.

One night, around week six, Dan was sneaking out to Phil's room because he was lonely (okay, maybe a bit horny too. Don't blame him.) He was creeping down the hallway and was listening carefully to the darkness around him-

_Wham._ Dan ran into something solid, and the something solid turned his flashlight directly into Dan's face. 

"Ah, shit." Dan said, as Jack exclaimed, "What're you doing out?"

"What're _you_ doing out for? Your cabin's the other one-" Dan suddenly stopped when he noticed that Jack's hair was mussed and he was not wearing a shirt and he had some very, _very_ suspect bruises on his torso.

"Erm- you don't mention it I don't mention it?" Jack shrugged. Dan nodded in response, and the two made their way over to the other cabin in the most awkward silence ever and Jack awkwardly telling Dan to be safe as he entered his own room, and Dan Phil's.

.o0o.

Suddenly it was week eight. Week nine. Week ten. They were packing their suitcases back up- Dan's had seven extra phone numbers and a stress ball and a leaf from the forest and a lot of memories. That's pretty similar to what everyone's had. Dan had a friendship bracelet from Phil, a picture from Connor (who really enjoyed photography), an album that Troye put together of covers he'd done of famous songs, a bowtie from Tyler, made by his friend apparently, that read "Professional Fangirl", a list of puns from Evan (Dan almost didn't accept it after seeing "I went camping, it was in tents"), and at least half a deck of cards from Chris (I don't know either), and a drawing of PJ's.

"It's the forever train," PJ said when they handed Dan the hand-drawn picture, "It never stops and you'd better have a ticket, because the conductor has no heart. That is, until a special passenger brings it to him." PJ glanced at Dan, "Thank you." PJ and Dan hugged after that, for a long time, reminiscing about the times they mucked out stalls together (it doesn't sound like a particularly fun bonding exercise, but it gets the job done), about the time when PJ told Dan they'd tried to drown themself the day before they took off because they couldn't tell anyone else, and how Dan had just wrapped his arms around PJ and comforted them when they cried and told them everything would be alright.

"In the forever train, by the way, the driver has a deep voice and the engineer has an Irish accent." PJ's eyes were sparkling as they told Dan about how the train had seven passengers, one with blue eyes like electricity, one who didn't belong in their body, but rather someone else's. About how one had purple hair and couldn't seem to have more energy and one had a voice that made the birds stop and listen when he sang. One made everyone laugh when they were down and another kept memories like treasures. Little memories you could keep in a box. PJ had designed a particular piece for everybody, and had to go deliver it to them, so he left Dan to look at this Forever Train, to all of them, a paradise.

.o0o.

Dan's parents arrived just as they'd been before he came out. Cheerful and patient and loving. It hurt Dan more than when he'd left them.

"Bye, Phil!" Dan said, holding back tears as Phil embraced him one last time.

"See you sometime." Dan said, voice nearly a whisper, as he stepped onto the platform of the tram and it took off, to the bus, which took them to the plane, which took them to London, which left them to go to their house. To go to school and pretend like this was all a pleasant dream that never really happened.

Except, it did happen. Dan had people to talk to. He talked to Phil like a boyfriend, and PJ like a best friend, and everyone else like the closest friends one could possibly have. They helped one another through everything, until the very moment they could get away from their shitty home-lives and start something new. And, as it just so happened, Tyler had worked up enough money to buy a video camera. And so they made videos. Videos that gained popularity and they gained money from them- enough money to meet again.

.o0o.

The plane ride to Los Angeles- where Evan lived- could not have been longer. They all hugged and ate pizza and laughed for the first time in years. They were free, and what had happened between their meetings was all behind them. The suicidal thoughts and the suicide attempts and the anxiety and depression and eating disorders and the gender dysphoria would all be- well, not forgotten, exactly. Forgiven sounds like too strong a word for that, not forgotten, not forgiven. Gotten over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS
> 
> in other news: here's my tumblr: http://bucky-barnes-and-cats.tumblr.com/


	2. Mark and Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know why i wanted to write this but i did I'VE GOT ANOTHER PROJECT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON I'M SORRY TO THOSE PEOPLE BUT INSPIRATION IS INSPIRATION

_**Hey Markimoo ;)** _

Mark grinned down at his phone when it buzzed, displaying the text in block letters. He quickly replied to the contact he'd only labeled as _< 3_ and flipped his phone shut. He then turned back to his homework and did a few maths problems (seriously though, algebra in eighth grade was worse than actual hell) and by the time he'd finished, his mom had cooked dinner.

"Looks good, ma." Mark said, almost jokingly as he sauntered into the room. His mom smiled back at him and Mark sat down at the table to a potroast and carrots, potatoes, and asparagus.

Mark hated asparagus.

Luckily, the family dog, Lucy, was there to pick up the scraps Mark 'accidentally' dropped on the floor.

After that he went up to text Jack some more- his parents thought he was fawning over some girl from his school, they were so clueless- and then visit the Internet. He had his own website and it was the shit if he said so himself.

He and Jack had met on Instant Messenger and had immediately fallen in love. Well, I shouldn't say immediately, but a month and a half and four video calls is pretty quick, right? They just... _clicked_ , and honestly Mark wouldn't have it any other way. Almost.

"How's that gal-pal of yours?" Mark's dad asked jokingly as he stood in the doorway of Mark's room.

"H- She's pretty awesome. Her eyes are the clearest shade of blue and she has almost-grey hair- but it suits her. And when she talks about what she wants to do her eyes light up and-"

"That's enough, if I wanted sickeningly sweet I would've asked your mother to describe our dog." Mark's dad had a laugh to match Lucy's bark. Mark laughed to, if a little nervously at his slip-up.

"I might just have to meet the little lady some day." _Oh dear lord please no,_ Mark suddenly believed a hell of a lot in the God he usually didn't like to think about.

"Maybe the next time you video call?" His dad suggested. Mark's stomach sank to his feet but he could feel himself nodding in agreement and even replying, "Yeah, sounds nice!"

"Sweet! Well, I'll go to bed. You'd better not 'raise the roof' too loudly or I'll have to take away your laptop, you hear me?" Mark's dad was using the same joking tone and Mark groaned into his palms.

"Dad, you're using a really outdated reference please stop. It's 2006- nobody 'raises the roof' any more." Mark tried not to laugh, he really did.

"Well, goodnight, Mark, I love you."

"Love you too dad, now please get out of my room." Mark said shortly, he had Jack to get back to.

It was around 1AM when Mark finally crashed. He'd been texting Jack all night- could you blame him? His phone glowed blue in the night and the texts were visible- Mark hadn't even closed the phone when he fell asleep:

_hey... so my dad wants to meet you_

_**why do i get the feeling this is a bad thing** _

_unfortunately, yep. he's super homophobic and i've told him that you're a female_

_**oh no! mark, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, just say i'm not ready to meet him or something. say we've broken up.** _

_you know i'm a horrible liar. i'll try. i really don't want to be separated_ Mark had frowned down at his phone.

_**i can tell you're upset, let's change the topic.**_ Jack had texted back, frowning in the same way, concern and fear laced into his face.

_**so have you read the latest harry potter book?**_ Jack maneuvered away from the topic, and Mark was really grateful for it. They didn't want to leave each other. Unfortunately, it would be the last few nights before everything changed, and Mark knew it.

He knew that his dad would demand to see his 'girlfriend'. Knew that he'd be kicked out, knew that he'd be all on his own.

But he didn't dwell on it. He thought about Jack, watched some YouTube, and went to sleep.

.o0o.

In his sleep, he dreamt of colors. Everything had a color. School was brownish-red. His friends were pink and blue and vibrant and lovely as always.

Mark was grey. He went home and his house was grey. Grey and dull blue- but Mark was different. He rubbed at his arms and a bit of red peeked through, but he had to hide it. So he took ash from the fireplace and covered up the red and ate his dinner and went to bed, trying to hide the red.

Red. Red and green. Jack was green. Beautiful green that reminded Mark of grass fields and meadows and forest- Mark was red like fire. Like violence and anger. Maybe being grey was better.

.o0o.

Jack was worried for Mark- with good reason. Because of time differences, it was really early in Ireland, but Jack had stayed up to talk to Mark (he didn't even care that he'd regret it that day).

.o0o.

"How's that lovely lady of yours, Mark?" Mark's dad asked jovially. Mark almost winced- wished his brother hadn't moved out. 

"Um, great!" Mark said, putting on a sloppy smile, "Yeah, she's almost done with her GCSE's, which is like the European version of the SATs!" Mark was telling a half-truth on that one, Jack was almost done.

"What's her name again?" Mark's dad inquired, shaking his head (as if to say "Why hadn't I asked this before?").

Mark thought for a split second before the first name he could think of came out of his mouth, "Millie."

Well, there are worse names.

"And when can I meet this 'Millie' and see if she's a god-fearing Christian? Of course, those are the only kind allowed to date my beautiful boy." Mark's mother asked, drying her hands off with a towel.

"Uh... tomorrow." Mark was weeping on the inside. He'd better start packing.

.o0o.

Mark was discreet about putting his favorite clothes into his backpack. A single blanket filled the rest of the space, along with several chargers and a stuffed animal. Mark decided to throw a notebook and some pencils in there too, and a pencil sharpener for good measure. He'd need his money for food and taxis.

_Hey_

_**yes sweetie? its like nine at night here i've got time**_ Jack was a quick texter, Mark had to give it to him.

_you're gonna video chat with my parents tomorrow. i'll keep you updated_ Mark winced as he sent the text, burying his phone in the bottom of his backpack and setting off for school. He turned it off too, he couldn't bear the worried replies Jack would be sending.

Mark was almost sad when nobody noticed anything different about him. He sheepishly told his math teacher he'd forgotten his homework and she let him off with a warning, and Mark could breathe easily. Maybe if he didn't get into any trouble his parents would be nice? (Let's all just ignore the irrational reasoning of someone whose boyfriend thinks they're being really overdramatic but is worried all the same)

Mark could actually hear a funeral march playing as he stepped up to his house. Maybe- maybe he was being melodramatic. Maybe his parents wouldn't act awfully? Maybe they'd be happy and chip in to pay for Mark and Jack to meet in real life?

"How was school today, sweetie?" Mark's mother asked.

"Fantastic." Mark said, then muttering something quietly, "Let's get this over with." All hope aside, this was going to be like ripping a band-aid off. Slow and painful, or fast and painful.

"What?" Mark's dad quirked an eyebrow at him from the recliner in the classic dad face: 'I didn't quite catch that but it might have been rude or disrespectful repeat yourself or try again'

"I'm gonna face-time with Millie, you two are welcome to join." Mark said, breathing increasing tenfold. He'd purposefully left his backpack in the bushes outside his house, claiming he'd accidentally left it at school.

"Finally." Mark's dad rolled his eyes as Mark asked politely to borrow his mother's laptop. Mark pulled up Skype and typed Jack's username, heart pounding.

Time slowed down.

His dad's watch was gold, like his mom's necklace. His dad pushed the hair out of his mom's eyes and Mark saw him press a kiss to her lips.

Jack's eyes were just as blue as they always were. His hair was secured in a beanie and he was wearing a hoodie- one that Mark had actually sent through the mail, but his parents didn't know about that.

"Hey Mar- Mark? Who are they?" Jack almost sounded angry.

"Is this Millie's brother?" Mark's dad asked.

"Uh- um-" Mark stuttered for a solid six seconds before choking out, "No. This- this is my boy- boyfriend, Jack." Mark's lip quivered as he waited for the inevitable explosion.

"Out." Was what came instead.

"But-" Jack's rebuttal and Mark's tears came at the same time. Because let's face it, no matter how much you emotionally prepare yourself for being kicked out, it's always like a punch in the gut. Actually, forget punches, Mark felt like someone had stabbed him in the gut. He was crying, his mom was crying, his dad was shouting, Jack was shouting louder.

"HOW DARE YOU BRING THIS- THIS LIFESTYLE INTO OUR HOUSE-"

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO BIGOTED, THAT'S YOUR _SON_ -"

"YOUR FAULT." Mark's dad snarled, bringing a halt to everything. Jack looked a bit surprised when the shouting shifted direction from Mark to Jack.

"It's your fault. Your fault that my son is this way-"

"No." Yet again, everything slowed to a halt. Mark stood up, calmly as ever, eyes rimmed with red.

"No?" Mark's dad almost screamed.

"It's not his fault. I'm the way I am, and if you can't accept that, I will leave. I'll leave and you'll never have to hear from me ever again." Mark said. His eyes were steady, the same shade of brown they always were. His shoulders weren't shaking like they had been, his eyes weren't watering, his mind wasn't racing. He walked outside and picked up his backpack, leaving his mother, father, and partially-digital boyfriend behind.

"Goodbye." Mark said grimly, slamming the front door.

Jack signed off.

.o0o.

**hey baby bro, what's new? mom and dad say there's some drama goin on at the house** Mark's brother asked. The seventeen-year-old hastily answered to the best of his ability.

_**they kicked me out. i- i think you should know too- i'm gay. i've got a boyfriend that i've known for almost two years now, his name is jack, and i love him.**_ Mark sighed as he pressed _send_.

The phone rang.

"Hey Tom." Mark said as he walked down the road.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Tom's voice was booming in Mark's ear, "I COULD'VE PICKED YOU UP."

"No. Mom and dad pay for your tuition- you'd give that up if you contact me, you can't..." Mark was going to start crying again.

"Don't cry, Mark. I'm sorry for yelling." Tom's voice was overly-soft, as if he were talking to a particularly temperamental cat that could bolt at any moment.

"It's fine. Don't worry; at the moment I'm well-fed and I've got money and a blanket and spare clothes." Mark replied.

"I will do my best damn well to worry you asshole, you were kicked _out of your own home_." Tom sighed and said, "But I won't pick you up. I know you want me to 'follow my dreams'- what bullshit- so I won't give this up."

"Thank you." Mark smiled into the phone, "You follow those dreams, follow them all over the fuckin' place." Mark laughed along with Tom.

"You've got a driver's license, right?" Tom asked. Mark affirmed that and the two chatted for another ten minutes before the call cut out.

_ ERROR: Data plan has been cancelled. All future calls and texts will cost your personal account. _

Dammit, Mark's parents were fast. Luckily, he spied the reflection of the glass in the city and knew the layout pretty well, and knew that there was an airport. Free WiFi, cheap food, and best of all-

.o0o.

"I'll be there soon, Marki." Jack assured. Jack had heard enough, enough to be concerned about his boyfriend- fifty bucks could only last someone so long, even in an airport. That, and it would cost a butt-ton of money that Jack couldn't afford on his own, probably. He'd have to do research.

Fifteen minutes later and Jack was incredibly sure he would be giving up that 'seventeenth birthday car' his parents kept dropping hints of.

"Mum, Pa," Jack breathed deeply, it would be the first time he'd talked about Mark, too. Worst case scenario, they'd both be out on the street.

"I- I'm gay. That's the first thing I want you to know." Jack said. His mom looked at his dad and they both swamped Jack in a gigantic hug.

"Sweetie, we're so proud of you." Jack's mom said, as Jack felt himself almost start sobbing. It wasn't fair- that Mark had such shitty parents, yet here, Jack was treated to a hug and probably some ice-cream.

"What's wrong?" Jack's mom asked, wiping the tears off of Jack's face.

"I- I've got a boyfriend-" Jack choked out another sob.

"That's great!" Jack's dad crowed, "What's his name?"

"Mark. He- uh," Jack took another deep breath, "He came out. It didn't go so well..."

Suddenly everything clicked for his parents.

"Where is he?" His dad asked, "We can drive and pick him up-"

"Actually, he's from Michigan." Jack said apologetically.

"Oh- _oh_." Jack's mom knew what he was asking for.

"You want to go to him?" Jack's dad said, picking up the pieces.

"Yes. Yes I do." Jack said, "I don't care what it takes, he doesn't have anybody else, his grandparents are dead, his brother's in college that his parents paid for, he doesn't have any data plan to call people with anyway-"

"You can go." Jack's dad said, "Be the best boyfriend ever, all that. You'll have to pay for your own car though." Jack's dad said seriously. Jack nodded- going to see Mark would be better than any car his parents could ever buy.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou-"

"It might be a few days before you can go, though." Jack's dad said, "We'll have to book tickets and you'll have to pack-"

"On it." Jack said, scrambling to his room. Goddammit these next 'few days' would be the longest days of his life.

.o0o.

_my parents said i could fly out to you- you're in an airport right_

_**yeah but i have to pay for everything and i've only got fifty bucks please hurry**_ Mark IM'ed Jack and ate his soggy turkey sandwich. Thirty bucks down on the first day after the cost of WiFi until he left (the people there were very understanding), and the before-mentioned turkey sandwich. After the sandwich, Mark laid his backpack on the bench and tried to sleep.

Key-word here is 'tried'.

It took him a whole bunch of time, counting sheep and that shit, but he finally managed it.

Finally.

.o0o.

Green. Blue eyes, green soul. Green like trees, green like freedom. Green like dancing, green like laughing until your sides hurt. That's what Jack was.

The ash on Mark's skin had seeped in, making his soul a dark burgundy color. It looked like blood. Like anger and depression and scars and confinement.

Mark felt so dull compared to the beacon of light.

.o0o.

"Okay... got everything..." Jack panted, showing his parents. In usual Jack fashion, he'd run rampant, doing everything in four hours. His parents laughed at his efforts, lighthearted and fun.

It wasn't fair.

"Well, the next flight to the Minnesota airport you said Mark was in isn't until Friday," it was Tuesday, "And it'll take about seven hours." seven fucking hours too many.

"Okay." Jack said, almost painfully aware of how much this would hurt Mark.

.o0o.

Mark was out of money.

He was really hungry. Like, hungrier-than-he'd-ever-been hungry.

"Are you okay?" A short girl with brown hair and soft eyes asked.

"Yes-" Mark groaned as his stomach let him know, yet again, that it was _fuckin' hungry_.

"That doesn't sound 'okay'." She rolled her eyes, sitting down on the same bench as Mark.

"Have my leftover pizza." She said, shoving a tupperware container in Mark's direction. Mark took the pizza and ate it, his stomach protesting to the invasion. Mark only felt hungrier.

"Oh- I'm sorry- that's my flight- I've got to be going- by the way my name's Rosanna- bye!" She said cheerfully, waving to Mark as she ran off.

Mark stretched out on his lone bench again and tried to sleep.

.o0o.

When he wasn't camped out on his bench, he was mooching off the Starbuck's WiFi or charging his phone.

After a while, you don't really notice hunger.

Mark was dozing off again when suddenly, something hit his leg. And fell on his torso.

"Oh my God I am so sorry-" A man with caramel hair and brown eyes immediately apologized.

"No, no, it's fine," Mark said, "I'm not exactly in the most convenient location." He broke off with an awkward chuckle as the New Guy pushed himself off Mark's chest.

"I- I'm Mat-Pat." He said, laughing awkwardly.

"I'm Mark." Mark said. The two shook hands and a woman rounded the corner.

"Mat! I should've known." She said, looking at Mat-Pat with amusement.

"Oh, Jen, this is Mark! Mark, this is my fiancee, Jen!" Mat-Pat said proudly, kissing his fiancee on the cheek.

"Hi, Jen," Mark tried to get up and stumbled slightly.

"Oh my God you're so skinny-" Jen rambled, drawing the conclusion that Mark must be cared for.

"Wait, how old are you?" Mat asked.

"Uh- sixteen." Mark said, shrugging.

"We're nineteen!" Mat said, "Why do you look like you haven't had anything to eat in the past forty-five hours?" He asked, concerned.

"Because I haven't?" Mark said. Had it been forty-five hours? Let's see, it was Thursday, he'd had the pizza Rosanna gave him on Wednesday at 2:20 AM, it was 7:03 PM, which meant-

"Are you actually calculating how long it's been since you've had food- Mat don't you go anywhere we are buying this man some food!" Jen scolded.

"Sorry, got distracted." Mat said, "But yeah, our flight doesn't arrive for a few more hours, so we'll be fine."

It was the most delicious Olive Garden meal Mark had ever had.

.o0o.

It was Friday.

"FridayFridayFriday-"

"We get it! Stop shouting!" Jack's dad said, laughing slightly.

"I know but I'm so _excited_ I get to see Mark in real life!" Jack squealed.

"That's exciting, Hank, I think I'm siding with him on this one." Jack's mom said, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"You absolute traitor." Jack's dad said, kissing Jack's mom.

"When do I leave?" Jack asked.

"Twelve-thirty." Jack's dad said, "Go eat. You're gonna need your strength. Airplane flights are _difficult_."

"Stop scaring him!" Jack's mom scolded.

"Anne... but it's fun..." Jack's dad whined.

"I don't care. Jack. Go eat. You'll be fine." Jack's mom rolled her eyes and Jack did as he was told and ate some cereal and an orange.

That turned out to be a lemon.

"Ahh!" Jack said, spitting the sour back out.

"Oh my God, Hank, come look at this!" Jack's mom was cracking up and his dad came in to take pictures on his flip phone.

"This is going on the website." Jack's dad said, leaving to presumably put the photo on the internet of his son's confusion over the surprise lemon incident.

.o0o.

Mark wasn't hungry. He wasn't. Really, the grumbling of his stomach could be anything. He'd filled pages of his journal with descriptions of passers-by, with such colorful descriptions as: _Suit and tie. Green eyes. Sandy hair. Could be Dean from Supernatural. Never-mind._

He was bored out of his fucking mind. He'd drawn more bunnies than he was sure existed. He was hungry and thirsty as fuck, and broke. He was home-sick most of all, though. For Tom, for his old life, for Lucy.

Oh God, he'd left Lucy. He'd left his pet behind and suddenly he was running out into the cold, searching for his dog, who was still back at the house.

After he came to his senses- it was freezing, the house was seventy miles away and it was a three-day walk back, Lucy was safe and warm, he was getting snow in his only clean pair of socks, Mark turned out of the flurry and into the airport. He was freezing and his blanket didn't help at all.

"Flight incoming: Dublin, Ireland." Mark's ears perked up. He jumped to his feet and went to the loading dock to wait.

Wait and wait and wait and wait. It seemed that the only thing he'd done these past four fucking days was wait for Jack, or death, whichever came first.

It wasn't long until the beanie peaked its way out of the crowd and Mark was running towards the blue-eyed figure with the green soul that felt like flying.

"Jack!" Mark cried, flinging himself at his boyfriend. Jack returned the hug so strongly Mark could've sworn he broke a rib, but it was worth it. Jack's lips met his for the first time, and everything felt _right_.

"I missed you." Mark sighed into Jack's shoulder. Jack was rubbing circled into Mark's back and Mark was shivering into Jack's embrace, not realizing how cold he'd been.

"You're so thin." Jack said worriedly. He glanced at Mark's shaggy hair and his stubble and the bags under his eyes.

"You don't- you don't look like yourself." Jack just seemed so concerned about Mark that Mark laughed. Actually laughed.

"I know, Jack. It's not your fault." Mark said, "I'm so glad you're here."

"Let's get some food in you." Jack said. Mark didn't complain once.

Did I say the meal with Jen and Mat-Pat had been the best meal Mark had ever eaten? Yeah, I lied. This one was.

.o0o.

Mark was exhausted, but happy, and full, and loved. He was content to sleep next to Jack on the flight to Dublin, and Jack was happy to thread his fingers through Mark's hair and listen to Muse and Green Day.

.o0o.

The walk to Jack's house _would've_ been short-

Goddammit Mark.

They'd been walking when something white caught Mark's attention. No, not another YouTuber with millions of subscribers, but a furry white thing. A tail.

Mark followed to find a golden retriever, shaking next to a trash can.

"Shh... girl... I'm safe... I won't hurt you," Mark said soothingly, and there must have been something about his voice, but the dog walked up hopefully. She was hungry, just like Mark had been- speaking of which, his stomach was starting to growl again.

"What's your name?" Mark asked her as he stroked her head. By now, Jack was just realizing that he'd left Mark behind.

"Cherry? Harriet? James?" The dog didn't seem to like any of those so Mark tried different ones, "Chica? Yeah, I'm gonna call you Chica."

"Mark?! Mark, I did not fly all the way to fuckin' Michigan just for you to run off again- oh. Oh my that is cute." Jack's face softened when he saw Mark petting Chica.

"Careful, she's scared." Mark said softly, "It's okay. He's safe too. See, this is Jack, he's the one who saved me." 

Chica seemed to warm up to Jack too, and Jack definitely wasn't crying. No, he was done with crying. Done. With. It.

"Alrighty-" Mark picked her up. She whined but somehow she trusted Mark already.

"Huh. Would you look at that?" Jack was stunned. _Fuckin' Disney Princess..._ He grumbled in his head as he followed his boyfriend.

.o0o.

"Really? You bring back a boy _and_ a dog?" Jack's dad grumbled. Jack's mom sighed, "I guess- but you've got to pay for her stuff."

"Okay, okay." Jack rolled his eyes- he'd go out and get a job, pay for his pouting boyfriend's literal twin.

"She's rather cute, though." Jack's mom said, patting Chica on the head.

"She'd be cuter if she were clean." Jack's dad complained. Mark shot the dad a look and took Chica to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

As it turns out, she wasn't mottled or patchy. Her fur was pure white-gold. Mark thought it matched her soul.

.o0o.

Ten years later, and they were telling this story to a year of campers that they would never forget.

"You never told me about the whole soul thing" Jack said to Mark when they were in Mark's room, and Mark nodded.

"And I'd say yours is red, yes, but not the kind you were describing." Jack said, kissing down Mark's neck. Mark shivered and maybe moaned a little.

"More like passion. Intensity. Love." Jack kissed lower and lower, "Like making out, or rapping. You remember when I tried to rap, right?"

"Atrocious." Mark said, letting out another groan as they did something they'd definitely not want the campers to know about, no matter how comprehensive the sex. ed. they'd be getting.

"Your soul is red, like screaming and feeling so nice afterwards. It's going rock-climbing and looking down on how far you've come." Jack kissed Mark's chest, leaving hickies in his skin.

"Your soul is red, like what we're doing right now." Jack winked as Mark moaned.

"Stop talking and just do me already." Mark complained. Jack complied and they spent the next hour in absolute bliss.

Until Jack bumped into Dan in the hallway, both of them beet red for the 'walk-of-shame' to the other cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i think this is the longest thing i've ever written in two days i'm really proud of myself did you guys enjoy

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING ILY GUYS SO MUCH *HUGS ALL OF YOU VIOLENTLY*
> 
> ALSO this was un-beta'd so if you have any fixes for me that would be fantastic thanks


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